A rebellion against holiday capitalism and a return to what actually keeps us fed, safe, supported, and human.
The Holidays Weren’t Built for Survival
The holidays pretend to be universal joy… a magical pause button… a sacred season of belonging.
But let’s get fucking real! For a whole lot of people, the holidays are the most stressful, isolating, financially terrifying weeks of the year. And when you’re already navigating complex trauma, limited income, food scarcity, and loneliness…
Holiday expectations can become nervous system violence.
Not metaphorically… Physiologically.
Your body knows when resources are scarce.
Your body knows when connection is shaky.
Your body knows when you’re performing okayness while drowning.
The holidays crank all that up to full volume and then dare you to keep smiling through it. People romanticize this season as if survival needs don’t exist and as if tradition should override the sheer reality of groceries costing more than gifts, heat bills that could buy a whole forest of trees, banking apps that make your stomach drop, grief that lands the moment the world hangs up lights, and the body remembering other holidays where love hurt.
It’s not that you don’t want joy.
It’s that your nervous system doesn’t have the capacity to fake it.
The Nervous System Doesn’t Give a Damn About Holiday Aesthetics
Here’s the brutal, beautiful truth…
Your body is not here to celebrate.
Your body is here to keep you alive.
When the fridge is a question mark…When income has disappeared…When debt is breathing down your neck…
Your brain is busy calculating… “Will we eat enough this month?”… “What if this expense breaks us?”… “If I say yes to that gathering, will it cost us safety tomorrow?”
That’s not negativity. That’s biology. The survival brain doesn’t shut off because it’s December.
Tradition says… “Just be grateful and enjoy!”
Your body says… “We are not safe enough for joy.”
Who do you think I’m siding with? (Spoiler… the one that keeps you alive.)
Capitalism Turned Care Into a Performance
Let’s name this clearly. The holiday “spirit” has been hijacked by a system that profits off of shame and scarcity.
Capitalism whispers to spend so they know you love them, host so they know you’re successful, buy bigger so no one sees the cracks, and keep up even if it breaks you. You’re told that being empty-handed means you’re failing. That joy must be purchased. That belonging requires debt. That care is measured in receipts.
But listen…
Your ability to show up emotionally is not determined by your bank account. Any relationship that relies on you overextending yourself financially…That’s not a relationship. It’s a transaction with tinsel slapped on top.
Worth Has Never Been Measured in Presents
The most dangerous holiday lie is “If you can’t give, you don’t belong.” It’s a lie that crushes people during a time when they most need support.
Let’s rewrite it…
If you’re here… You belong.
If you’re trying… You belong.
If you can barely hold it together… You belong.
If you’re crying into Ramen noodles… You belong.
If you’re skipping gifts to keep the lights on… You belong.
If survival is the celebration… You still belong.
Your worth doesn’t fluctuate with your income. Your humanity does not depreciate because your budget is tight. You are not less than. You are not falling behind. You are not the problem. The system is the problem.
“But It’s Tradition!” (Cool… And?)
Tradition is only sacred if it keeps people safe. Otherwise… It’s a trap.
So many holiday rituals demand emotional labor… Travel to unsafe places… Tolerate people who have harmed you… Hide the truth of your life… Pretend old wounds don’t flare up here. We’re told to “Do it for the memories! For the family!”. But what if… The memories are painful?… The family causes harm?… The financial impact is debilitating?… The expectations are suffocating?
You owe nothing… nothing… to a tradition that costs your well-being.
Let the expectations rot in the dumpster with last year’s glitter wrapping paper.
Redefining What This Season Can Be
Let’s imagine a different approach… Connection without consumption…. Care without coercion… Presence without performance.
What if the holidays prioritized a warm meal (even if simple), a phone call where you tell the truth, a walk with someone who actually sees you, laughter that doesn’t hide the struggle, community built through mutual support, and rest, without apology? What if joy wasn’t something to purchase? What if joy was something small, ordinary, real? What if the holidays weren’t a test of economic worth…but a ritual of shared humanity?
That’s the version I’m interested in.
We Can’t Pour From Empty… And We Shouldn’t Have To
There is a deep grief in not being able to give the way you wish you could. There is a deep grief in not feeling chosen and in not having places to go… in being the one who everyone used to invite or the one who was never invited at all.
There is heartbreak in being lonely while the world plays dress-up in togetherness. This season brings up old abandonment wounds. (Of course it does. Holidays are the annual reminder of everything we were told we should have… safety, belonging, affection, someone to sit next to on the couch.)
But listen closely…
There is no expectation here that you must rise above it all. No pressure to turn the pain into productivity. All you are asked to do is to not abandon yourself.
Even if others already have.
Choosing People Who Choose You
You are allowed to say what you need out loud. You are allowed to protect your energy. You are allowed to prioritize your health and basic needs. And you are allowed to find the people… or even one person… who cares more about your presence than any present. The connections that matter this season are the ones that say… “I don’t care what you bring. I’m glad YOU are here.”
Align with people who measure love by attention, not Amazon deliveries. Align with those who answer honestly when you ask, “How are you really?” Align with the ones who see your existence as enough.
That is where belonging lives.
Your Survival Is Sacred
If you’re reading this and thinking… “I’m barely making it.” Then that’s the starting point. Not shame. Not comparison. Not the bullshit influencer version of “Holiday Cheer.”
You are here.
You are trying.
You are surviving in a world that makes survival a full-time job.
Honor that.
Honor you.
Honor the courage it takes to face a season built on expectations while choosing what actually keeps you alive.
Unlock grounding support, reflection prompts, and zero-cost care ceremonies for a holiday that doesn’t hurt…
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If this time of year is heavy for you, you’re not aloine. It’s okay to ask for support. I offer one-on-one coaching for people navigating grief, trauma, and complex seasons… at your pace. Reach Out Here.
In case you missed it… You’re Not Broken Because Family Is Unsafe and The Season of Pressure: Surviving the Holiday Minefield